him

长大后才懂
原来流泪不需要原因

It's always good to have a blog,
even it's long abandoned.
Inevitably feeling stupid,
every time I look back to my previous blog post after a long time (this time 6.5 months),
I'm amazed (and startled) by how emotional my thoughts can be.
Very different from other blogs I've passed by,
feelings and emotions (not necessarily right) are the things I like to share,
even they are stupid to be looked back.

The most significant thing that changed in these 6.5 months is,
my relationship status.
I know it's crazy how I dedicated a long post to explain why I had spent my whole life being single,
and the next couple of months,
I was out of the circle.
But the truth is,
I was, in fact still am, surprised by how magically fast it happened.

Love is the best thing to do (in Feb post),
having met her only firms this statement.
It's magical, or even beyond magical,
how holding hands can give so much warmth,
how hugging can feel so safe and relieving,
and how seeing her smile can explode your mind.

She is a wonderful girl,
both externally and internally.
She is so kind and beautiful that I remind myself she deserves more than anything I can ever give her.
That's why I never stop giving more commitment and effort to match what she is deserving.

I wanna thank her,
for changing my life so much, of course positively.
Thoughts. Appearance. Body. Love. Future. And everything.
I'd never do what I'm doing right now if I hadn't met her.

Love is a lifetime responsibility.

But if you pick it right, it becomes a lifetime reward.

This is what I wrote in the February post about love, when I was still single.
And now, I feel like I'm having a grab on the lifetime reward.

I love you, Joyce.
Happy 6 months.

One of the saddest things I have ever heard is,
when I'm rich, I want to travel around the world.

I believe most of thel people secretly have this dream too.
The sad part of this statement is,
money can buy you travelling around the world,
but it can't buy you travelling around the world at 20.

When you meet new people at 20,
you talk about future and crazy things in life,
you ask for excitement.
When you meet new people at 50,
you talk about past and your experience in life,
you ask for stability.

The world puts us into this well-decorated rhythm of life,
forcing us to unconsciously growing old following the same set of pattern,
after our last breath it sends us to another dimension that no one knows.

That's the pessimistic part of me defining life.
There's an optimistic version though.

At 20, we are all very, very, very young.
Don't be afraid to do things that no one else is doing.
Step out your comfort zone and you will see another horizon awaits you.

It's my very firm belief that,
it's good to spend most of your money on craps at 20.
Positive craps I mean.
Books to widen your vision of world and your perceptions of human interactions.
Clothing that improves your appearance.
Travelling to explore other cultures and how people live their lives.
Alcohols that get you completely drunk with your friends but render you a memorable night.
Why not? You are not getting to be 20 again.

When money is gone, it's temporarily gone.
When youth is gone, it's forever gone.

Here's a reminder. To those who are in a relationship. If you are a guy, you stop flirting with girls. If you are a girl, you stop replying to those guys who try to flirt with you. It is happening around me, and it is not easy in my eyes. When you do something like that, that's the very moment you entirely lose my respect on you. Be considerate. Be ethical. Be human.

In light of the upcoming Oscar awards,
plus I had the whole February being almost free,
I watched the 9 nominees of Best Picture of the Year.
And I think Oscar movies are always heartbreaking, meaningful and infectious,
though sometimes inevitably boring.
So I will give some reviews to every nominee and highlight the lessons that you can take out of the movie.

Manchester by the Sea

A grumpy man, whose brother has just passed away, leaves his job to take care of his brother’s son, 19, for a few months. He loves his brother and he thinks it's his responsibility to take care of the boy. However, he cannot stand the idea of living in Manchester to be his guardian because his sad memories live there with a divorce and a fire which has killed his three kids. But he does everything he can to ensure the boy will have a smooth life before he moves back to the city he previously lives.

I think the movie is trying to tell us there are a lot of broken men who are completely destroyed by some tragic events in their lives that change their behaviour and attitude permanently. How they live their hopeless lives. How they treat people without manners although sometimes they remind themselves to. But they will still do the right things for their family.

This is the most boring movie among the 9 nominees. Very monotonous and the whole movie has no single climax in it. I think it's the breathtaking scenery of Manchester and some unfathomable Oscar elements make it the so-called best picture.

Arrival

An alien spacecraft stops in the US and causes worry in the country. A linguist is hired to communicate with the aliens with their language. The linguist manages to learn the language and the aliens say their purpose to the Earth is to offer their language to humankind. The language is non-linear, which means with just a word, it carries the meaning of the whole sentence in human language and you can write the word from left or right or whatever I don't really get it too. This applies to time too. With some deep science, when time becomes non-linear, the linguist is able to see her future and she finds out that she will have a daughter dead. And she asks her future husband, if you could see the future, would you change it? But eventually she still embraces him and their baby.

One interesting thing is the timeline of the movie jumps here and there without following chronological order, trying to make the effect of non-linearity. Quite boring, and I don’t understand why spaceship/Sci-Fi movies always get Oscar recognition.

Hacksaw Ridge

A skinny man (Andrew Garfield) who wants to enlist in the US army to be a combat medic but refuses to touch a gun for some religious reasons. He has been called coward of his behaviour when he first joins the army. During the war, his side retreats due to inferior manpower but he alone remains in the dangerous war zone to save those soldiers who are heavily injured or immobile. Eventually, he saves more than 50 people, including some from opposition.

An excellent movie that shows some great humanity and morality. People are selfless to help each other in a war. People are brave to sacrifice their lives and leave behind their family for their countries. People believe in who they really are and refuse to change. And the most important part is that the main character is totally unafraid of death and keeps saving people. This is one of the famous quotes of the movie - With the world so set on tearing itself apart, it don't seem like such a bad thing to me to wanna put a little bit of it back together.

A violent movie with many bloody scenes. Separated body parts everywhere. But a deep movie that reflects a lot of societal issues and human ethics. Definitely worth a watch compared to the first two movies. Never understand why wars ever exist. Selfless people working for selfish people. Broken families. A lose-lose game.

Lion

A 5-year-old Indian kid, Saroo, gets lost after a train sends him to 1600 kilometers away from his home. Without knowing the names of his mum and his hometown, he is sent to an orphan, where an Australian couple decide to adopt him. He then moves to Australia and after 25 years, with his scarce memory of his childhood, he starts to search for information of his birthplace in order to have a reunion with his birth mum. Eventually, he finds her.

Another movie that deals with great emotion and life perceptions. Saroo does not feel that he deserves to live a privileged life, considered that his family is still living in extreme poverty in India. This movie also brings us to another viewpoint on adoption. Saroo’s parents adopt him not because they are infertile, but because they think that there are enough people in the world and many unfortunate orphans with the tragic events they encounter. They think the kids deserve a chance to live a better life and they want to contribute to that, even though adoption is much more difficult than having your own kids. To be honest, this idea swayed me a lot and brought me a new view on adoption.

The main message of this movie is there are a lot of lost kids in India and every day the number only does increase. Also, the movie shows that India is a very underdeveloped country, not only in terms of infrastructure, but also morality. They live in an unfair world, where men and women and kids are treated very differently.

This movie is the best I have watched for a while. It has changed my perspectives on so many issues that I was once so firm about. Also it helps widen our vision on how poor people live in impoverished areas. You don't get to see this on TV everyday.

Hell or High Water

Toby’s mum has just passed away. To inherit the valuable ranch his mother has left behind, Toby requires $43000 to pay the reverse mortgage. He doesn’t have the money but he is determined to acquire the house for the future of his sons. Therefore, he and his brother decide to rob banks. Initially three banks in secluded areas but last bank in a busier area which his brother dies in the process of robbing.

The main point of this story I think is to show people how fathers work hard to ensure their kids have a good life. Toby has never committed a crime before but for his kids he decide to rob banks which you can die any seconds doing it. After Toby legally possesses the ranch he puts his two young kids’ names to it. And he honestly reveals to his son what he has done but tells his son not to follow his suit. It's kinda like the typical father who works really hard with blood and sweat to give their kids the best he can but never wants them to do what he does.

I actually love this movie even though it's not so interesting. I guess it's the genuine interaction between brothers and family makes me intrigued throughout the movie. And one special thing is, the movie makes you confused as you will hope that the robbers will be safe robbing the bank and escaping from the police.

Moonlight

The movie depicts the life of a poor black guy, Chiron, from childhood to teenage to adulthood. In these three highlighted phases, it shows that Chiron has never found sense of belonging in anything he does and anywhere he goes. He does not have a father and his mother works as a prostitute and that’s why he grows up lacking proper parenting.

There are a few points to be taken from the movie. In his childhood, a drug dealer is willing to give him good care and protection that Chiron needs at his age. Not every drug dealer is bad. It also shows the dark side of this world, how a shy and withdrawn guy, without parent’s guidance and quality upbringing, is always bullied in school. After he becomes an adult and makes a lot of money by selling drugs, her mum says sorry to him for the lack of love throughout the years and Chiron still forgives her. Family is always family.

Almost every character you see in the movie is black, the English they use is very black too. But it’s fun to see how black people live their lives separated from the white people. I think it's pretty much worth a watch although it's boring. It gives you a different idea of black life because a completely black movie is quite rare in the movie industry. And Chiron is black, gay, poor and bullied, which naturally makes this movie an Oscar material.

Fences

A 54-year-old clears rubbish in the city to make a living. He is a very old-fashioned man and a strict father, that’s why he doesn’t get well with his sons. He always tells his wife that he loves her more than anything. She devotes her whole life to this family in the sacrifice of her dreams and personal needs. One day, the man tells his wife that he is going to be a father of someone else’s soon. Naturally, she is immediately broken into pieces. He says that when he is out there with the girl, he can forget about his responsibilities to this family temporarily. His wife argues that she has completely given up her life for this poor family and she has always wanted to see other men but for this family she always resist the urge.

A movie illustrates the family issues. How does a strict father parent his son with both of their perceptions about life are hugely different? How does a mother deal with her marriage when her husband betrays her and she still has kids to take care of? And it's quite surprising to see that the mother decides to take care of the newborn after her birth mother dies giving birth, saying that the kid is innocent.

Another black movie but this mostly focuses on family issues. It's nice to see how strict fathers educate their sons. He tells his son that he doesn't have to like him because the boss doesn't give salary based on that, and something very rude to his son. But at the end of the movie, it also shows that the father cares about his son deep inside.

Hidden Figures

In 1961, US NASA competes against Russia to send the first man to space. In this highly competitive race, they require a lot of talent in the team but they can't find them. It's important to mention that in that year the US still live in a crazily conservative era, where the white people still discriminate against black people, men still look down on women. But eventually, it's 3 black women who contribute significantly behind the scene to the success of NASA space programs.

A lot of societal issues come up in this movie. White people and black people use different bathrooms. Talented black women work in the underground because they are not superior. When black worker walks into the white people office, they stare at the black worker as if the air is contaminated. Black people cannot be an engineer. There are more than I can describe here. And every time I see a scene like this I become mad. It's outrageous. Imagine, I'm not active fighting equal rights and the scenes are not easy in my eyes already. So foolish.

This movie is more interesting comparatively, If you are a justice person and you like to see how people stand out for their rights and be the first one to change the history then this is really for you.

La La Land

Through music, she is attracted by a jazz pianist. After a few encounters by chance, they start to fall in love with each other. And then they start to dream about different things, he wants to operate his own bar with his jazz music but the income is limited. She wants to be an actress but she does not have a platform to show the world what she can do. Hence, he decides to drop his interest and join a boy band which ensures a steadier and huger income. She is not happy with his decision, saying that he is giving up his passion. And then they argue about their dreams aggressively. The movie skips to five years later, with she being in a marriage with another man and having a kid. And she, by chance, goes to a pub and sees him performing on stage. After the performance, she leaves the pub and they smile at each other. And lord, that's the saddest smile you ever want to see.

There are a lot of things to take out of this movie. I think mainly, the most cruel lesson I learned from this movie is, in our lives, we don't always get to end up with someone we most love, or someone our bond is unbreakable. Life somehow at some point is going to tear your love apart and maybe because of wrong timing or overly excessive love, we argue to the point of no return, that's forever over. And it's really unbearable to see two highly charming people not ending up together (Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone). I believe there are so much more to take from this movie but you have to watch this one. It's really good.

Although this sounds like one of the typical love movies, no it is not. The movie is quite musical and the way it shows the audience the story is completely amazing and new and absorbing. The movie is so artistic. Everything in this movie is so perfect. The music is perfect. The actors are perfect. The script is perfect. The editing is perfect. The directing is perfect. And this movie does provide temporary escape from where you are. When I watched the movie in cinema, I strangely felt like I was really in another dimension. In a dimension love can magically move us around. Damn the music is so good. And there's this one old man (apparently more than 50), whimpering while watching the movie. Well it actually frightened me because I didn't know if I should move to the next empty seat or just give him a tissue or what. I think maybe he was thinking about the girl that he missed out when he was young. Too bad.

Quick conclusion. I think La La Land is going to win the best picture as it is the only romance movie in the 9 nominees and it's so spectacular and original and inspiring. But I hope that Lion does win because I cried my lungs out for it. It's incredibly moving, encouraging and real. I'm rooting for these two on Oscars but if you want to watch these movies, avoid Manchester by the Sea and Arrival because they are terrible for me. Others definitely worth your time.

Here I am.
Sitting on a comfy sofa in the middle of a huge mall.
Savouring my Auntie Anne's Eclairs sticks.
Dancing to/ Judging the music played by the nearby stores.
Watching the flow of this space.

People passing me, either in a hurry or casually.
Some alone, some with friends, some with partner, some with the family.

When some cute kids pass by with their parents,
I furtively throw them some weird face.
Some react with a frightened look, some a naively beautiful smile, some entirely unmoved.

People live in different rhythms.
People pursue different paths. People possess different thoughts.

All of a sudden,
the universe becomes endless.

Here I am.
Calmly taking in every free breath.
Peacefully enjoying this slow life.
Temporarily getting lost in an infinite universe of thoughts.
Before the school places me back to the hustle and bustle of the university life.
Before the school renders me another four months of hectic life.

Here I am.

For many people,
being single is not a choice.

For many people,
being single directly puts them into the category that defines them as someone unwanted.

For many people,
being single is a shame.

I'm not one of them.
For me, being single is a choice.
I don't hurry into a relationship only to know that it is tragically wrong.
I don't find someone to love just because everyone around me is falling in love.
I don't do it for lust.

Love is a wonderful thing.
Complicated but wonderful.
Yet I see many couples in my social network are doing it wrong.
Not morally wrong. They just feel wrong.

Love someone just because you need his/her companion in your university life so you never look lonely,
it isn't love.
Love someone just because they are rich and they will buy you things and fulfill your materialistic need,
it isn't love.
Love someone just because you can never be single,
it isn't love.

Superficial love.

Find someone you will never wake up regret your love choice.
Find someone you will wake up and love that person more and more everyday and never less.
Find someone who doesn't just love you when you are financially stable and leave when you aren't.
Find someone who willingly takes care of you when you lose the ability of movement.

Maybe because I have watched too many dramas and movies in my life,
that's why I firmly believe that love is the best thing to do,
that's why I still foolishly believe in divine destiny.

And for many people,
not being married is not a choice.

For many people,
adoption is not a choice.

For me, they all are.
If I'm 30 and I still can't find her., it's alright.
There are many alternative choices out there.

I'm kinda shocked when I ask my friends about this topic,
and most of them are quite against my beliefs.
And still I'm not slightly swayed.
People believe in different things and that's what makes us different.

Love is a lifetime responsibility.
But if you pick it right, it becomes a lifetime reward.

Here is the answer to the many questions that I'm still single.

First post in 2017.

I started blogging in 2011,
which means I have been blogging for 7 years.
Of course I am not as prolific as I was back then,
but now I talk about things that matter more.
Back in my early blogging years, I would write things that I now wouldn't give a damn on.
But I wouldn't be able to produce the insightful topics if I hadn't gone through all this.
Look how things changed in 7 years.

Time matured us. Time aged us. Time stole us.
Time is indeed the scariest thing.

I have no idea what awaits me in 2024.
Maybe I will talk about politics or marriage or boring engineering facts in my blog,
or maybe I will have closed my blog by then.

But, what matters the most now is,
how you live your life.
You can't regret the past too long that you forget to live your present.
And here's what I say to myself frequently,
You only get one life, and it's your very responsibility to live it to fullest.

Believe me or not,
I initially wanted to talk about Valentines.
Blogging always makes you lost.
Trust me, I mean I have been blogging for years.